Source: Dzmitry Dzemidovich / bigstock
Recently, I’ve experienced a fair amount of change in my life, and I thought this would be a good time to think about change and how it affects us.
Change is a fact of life inherent in the human experience as our circumstances evolve. Sometimes, change is experienced as an inconvenience or hassle. Most of us don’t like it, but as mature adults, we learn to accept and adjust.
Sometimes, life throws us a curve ball we must learn to navigate. It can feel disruptive and be a challenge. Others of us have a very difficult time when things shift around, and although we may not like it, we have to plow through and adapt anyway.
Change can be minor and achievable or major and quite impactful, and it can be a positive or negative experience. It could be as simple as having to find a new commute to work or school, a new location, and contact info for an important person in your life; experiencing the end of a relationship or friendship (with partners, friends, family members, work colleagues, health care providers, financial advisors, or teachers); finding a new health club or dry cleaner because yours just closed; starting a new job or school, or a reorganization of those activities; getting used to a new electronic app or computer system; or adjusting to any loss.
Sometimes, a change in our lives can be uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, scary, or disruptive to our daily routine, or cause distress and psychological pain. It can feel risky and create a sense of uncertainty and anticipatory fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. By nature, we are creatures of habit and often feel most comfortable maintaining the safe and familiar routines and patterns that make up our lives.
This is true even when we know deep down that keeping things as they are may not be in our best interest; for example, if we avoid physical exercise or use tobacco or excess alcohol despite the known health risks; unhappily stay in a dead-end but familiar job or relationship; or socialize with those long-term friends and family members who have a toxic effect on us.
For me, and many of you, some changes we make are by choice, well thought-out, and intentional, such as when we consciously choose to adjust our routines, patterns, thoughts, and behaviors or when we’re working toward a desired goal: e.g., modifying our dietary habits for weight loss or exercising to train for and complete a 5K race.
However, some of life’s changes may be unplanned and unexpected and throw us off balance for a bit until and unless we adjust and adapt. Most of us can deal with and manage one thing changing at a time using our resilience skills, but life doesn’t always work out that way. I’ve learned that the cumulative effect of multiple large and small changes can feel overwhelming and has the greatest impact on our sense of stability.
Let’s think about the ways most of us react to change in our lives. Some may try to deny it, avoid it, resist or fight it, or make attempts to control it, striving to get back to where things were before the distressing event or situation. How well has this worked for them? I’d guess the answer is not very well. It may worsen the person’s experience, adding a sense of fear, uncertainty, increased stress, anxiety, fatigue, or exhaustion.
The most effective way to deal with change is by accepting it and trying not to fight it. And then, we can find a way to adjust, adapt, and move on. As humans, we crave stability after a new or disruptive experience that may lead us to a new sense of “normal,” a new baseline.
This takes some effort and getting used to. We all respond to change in our manner, depending on the nature and intensity of the event and our personal skills and resilience.
How can one not only survive change but thrive through it as well? It requires that we confront and accept the change and the new normal it creates and put our efforts toward problem-solving a way to re-establish and achieve a new, revised sense of balance and a new normal. Some ways include modifying our response to new and evolving life events, persons, places, or circumstances; making an effort to do something different or do it differently; approaching a problem or a situation from a different angle; revising our thoughts, viewpoints, and opinions; or looking at ourselves from another perspective.
In other words, try to accept and engage with the change, actively participate in the process, and assume a new baseline, a new way of doing things, and perhaps a new sense of ourselves. We must have the courage to move forward, to come to terms with the old ways and leave them behind.
It’s most helpful if we can identify and focus on those things we can control, let go of what we cannot control, and understand that adapting to change is an ongoing process. Adapting to change also means being flexible and able to respond to altered situations and conditions as they emerge. It’s like the wavering palm tree in a tropical storm—able to bend and sway without breaking and return to calm, perhaps with a lost branch or two.
Lastly, change requires that we learn to tolerate uncertainty and unknowns, manage any fears associated with them, and be open and adept at adjusting our expectations and ways of thinking, doing, and being.
The good news is that adapting to change and being flexible enables us to evolve and grow. That’s not all bad.
Good luck and stay well.