Source: Luke Porter/Unsplash
There was a time when mobile phones were called personal digital assistants, or PDAs. If you are old enough to remember that, you will also remember that they had actual, physical buttons. But I digress… for a long time, I thought they should still be called PDAs because of how little we actually used the devices as telephones. These days even PDA does not begin to describe what our phones are to us. In truth, they are much more like digital companions. But does what we call them really matter?
When you think of the device as your phone, you relate to its many functions in a fragmented way. When you are bored, you scroll through Instagram. When you are lost, you get directions to your destination. And, of course, when you want to connect with a friend, you might call or text or reach out through social media. As you do these different things, you focus on each interaction separately, not fully appreciating how they are all part of a larger relationship with the same device. As a result, even if you intellectually know that you spend too much time on your smartphone, on an experiential level, you miss the ways in which this device shapes and limits your life. You miss how it might be creating or adding to depression, anxiety, or other emotional struggles.
To clarify, think about what it would be like if you were practically joined at the hip with a particular friend. Let’s call him Hal. You have a good time together and he’s an incredible help in many situations. So, you like having him around. But he’s always there. And his mere presence pulls for your attention – so much so that it is nearly impossible to engage fully with other friends or experiences. Also, Hal’s constant companionship means you don’t even have time to be truly alone with your own thoughts. It’s hard to imagine this not feeling claustrophobic. No matter how much you like Hal or appreciate what he brings to your life, you might begin to yearn for some space.
Although it’s an exaggeration, the comparison to the relationship many people have with their smartphones is clear. Sadly, partly due to their hypnotic effect which I will address later, we often don’t realize fully how our smartphones similarly affect and restrict our lives.
Your Digital Companion
To counter this influence, try what I suggested earlier. Think of your phone as your digital companion, as a device that you share experiences with. By giving it this name, you might subtly open up your thinking to the phone’s multiple functions – thus, changing how you relate to it.
Just as you might feel uncomfortable with Hal despite his many great qualities, thinking of your phone as an ever-present digital companion might highlight your discomfort with it, too. These days our digital companions call us to engage increasingly in a virtual world, disconnecting us from the real world. This is what we mean when we talk about people having a problem with phone overuse.
Notably, our digital companions have a hypnotic quality. Some research even shows that people who have compulsive phone use are more easily hypnotized. Also, screen time (including phone use) is associated with less gray matter in your brain. That’s the part of your brain responsible for helping you function and make good decisions – like how to manage unhealthy relationships, including with your digital companion.
Choosing a Different Relationship With Your Phone
If you can relate to the sense of getting so absorbed in your phone that you become more passive in your thinking and don’t recognize or care about the problems created by your relationship with your digital companion, it is time to proactively choose to make a change. Just as you might want a time out from a problematic relationship with a friend, it can help to take time away from your digital companion to rethink that relationship. I explain this more, and even challenge you to make healthy changes in that relationship, in the brief video.
Your relationship with your digital companion is a personal one. So, it is up to you to figure out how to make it a healthy one. Another suggestion is to practice not touching your phone for the first hour of each day for one month. Instead, take time to nurture yourself or connect with a loved one. You might also want to consider limiting your time on the device at other hours of the day or in certain circumstances or limiting your use of particular apps.
Just remember, your phone is not just a phone. It is a digital companion that has many functions. When you carefully manage the whole relationship, you can enjoy it as part of a full, healthy life.