It’s weird. Time feels faster the older we get. I can think back to an event three years ago, and it feels like yesterday. I still wear the same clothes. My haircut is the same. I live in the same place and eat the same food. Nothing much distinguishes that event from my present. Yet, for a child or teenager, three years can feel like a lifetime. Why does this happen?
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Our lives are more routine.
Children and teenagers experience significantly more change, more frequently, than adults. They grow taller, wear new clothes, switch schools, have different friends, and learn new things in class. It is a world of transition and change. As adults, many of these factors level out and don’t change at all.
With different brains, we experience time differently.
During adolescence, which researchers identify as between 10 and 25 years of age, the brain undergoes significant change. Laurence Steinberg, a heavy hitter in the adolescent research world, calls it a brain of “opportunity” because it is wide open to learning. Imagine thousands of neurons all bumping up against each other, equally likely to activate each other. Adolescents are highly attuned and sensitive to their environment because their brains are open to anything and everything happening to them. They use this openness to learn how the world works and how to function in it.
When sex hormones come online, they reinforce this learning through myelination, or the act of adding a fatty sheath on top of the highly active neurons, to help them fire 100 times faster than non-myelinated neurons. The brain takes what it learns and hardwires it. Stressful life events have a greater impact when they occur in adolescence versus middle childhood because the brain wires to teenage experiences.
This is why we have a paradoxical experience of time. When we are teenagers, we are so open and receptive to the world that it feels constantly new and fresh. Our interactions with teachers, friends, material in class, parents, society, and more shape how we understand the world and how we operate in it. We experience big emotions, teaching us about relationships, responsibility, and everything else. It feels like so much happens every day because our brains are taking in so many things.
As we get older, our brains aren’t wired to take in as many things from the outside world, or to learn in the same way. Therefore, three years ago can feel like yesterday: not much has changed in our brain, our perception, or our lived experience.
What can we do to help us feel that life is not passing us by? Here are three tips:
- Switch up your routine. Try taking a new route to work, or ordering a new dish at your favorite restaurant. Read a book in a genre you don’t typically choose. Speak to a stranger at a coffee shop. While your brain isn’t craving these new experiences, you can actively seek them out, mimicking the adolescent way of life.
- Attend to the little things. Sink into your body and the present moment. Focus on who is around you, the nature around you, and more. There is only ever this one moment in time. Think of it like “making a memory.” Look at your family members and try to capture every detail of what they look like at this specific age, how it feels to be with them, and more, knowing that this moment will pass. This technique can help stretch the present moment through your increased attention and the emotions that arise.
- Be grateful for the consistency. Adulthood is less of a roller coaster than the early years, and that can be a beautiful thing. Consistency is less stressful. We are better able to appreciate the little things precisely because our everyday experience is less intense. We have more knowledge and control over how to make our bodies, emotions, and minds function well. Indeed, a Psychological Bulletin study with 461,000 participants showed that life satisfaction increases gradually from adolescence up to the age of 70. While adolescence may have been highly memorable, in general, people find adulthood more satisfying.
It is such a common trope to bemoan how quickly time passes. If we flip our mindset, we can cherish the small moments and relish in the stability of adulthood, rather than experience it as a negative.
If the passing of time gives you anxiety or negative thoughts, you are not alone! We are all doing this human thing together. Please do reach out to a friend or professional to share your thoughts and feelings.