Conquering Holiday Money Stress |

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The holiday season, with its twinkling lights and festive cheer, is often billed as the “most wonderful time of the year.” But for many, the reality doesn’t always match the sentiment. Beneath the glitter, holiday stress—particularly financial stress—can take center stage. Whether it’s juggling skyrocketing travel costs, navigating gift-giving expectations, or confronting old money fears, financial anxiety weighs heavily on many during this time.

However, with a little self-awareness, intentionality, and a dash of compassion, you can rewrite the narrative and find joy in the season without breaking your budget—or your spirit.

Step 1: Reflect on Your Relationship with Money

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you spend the way you do during the holidays? Much of it comes down to the stories we tell ourselves about money, often shaped by family values, societal norms, and childhood experiences. Financial psychologist Brad Klontz refers to these stories as “money scripts.” They are deeply held, often unconscious beliefs about money that influence our behavior.

For instance, you might find yourself feeling obligated to buy lavish gifts to show love or avoiding financial discussions because of a fear of scarcity,. Perhaps you’re excessively cautious and have trouble spending at all, even when you can afford it. Each of the behaviors stems from a specific script, one that can be traced back to experiences from your formative years.

Recognizing your money script is the first step toward shifting your financial habits. This holiday season, take a moment to reflect on your beliefs about money. Ask yourself: What emotions come up when I think about holiday spending? Where do these feelings originate?

Step 2: Rewrite the Script

Acknowledging your money script is empowering, but the real magic happens when you start to challenge and reframe it. Imagine shifting from a mindset of “I’ll never have enough money” to “I don’t have enough right now, but I can work toward having more.” That subtle yet powerful tweak moves you from a place of helplessness to one of action and hope.

During the holidays, such reframing could look like redefining what generosity means. Can you express love without overspending? Could a handwritten letter or a homemade gift carry just as much weight as an expensive present?

The holiday season is an opportunity to explore your financial beliefs. Think of yourself as an anthropologist uncovering your family’s financial history. Understanding your family’s relationship with money can provide valuable insights into your own behaviors—and help you let go of narratives that no longer serve you.

Step 3: Set Boundaries—with Yourself and Others

The pressure to spend can feel relentless during the holidays, but remember, you’re allowed to set limits. Start by creating a realistic holiday budget and sticking to it. Write down every expense—gifts, travel, decorations—and be honest with yourself about what you can afford.

If your spending has already spiraled, don’t panic. Financial planner Brandon Goldstein recommends starting small: “Make a list of the gifts you’ve purchased so far and their costs. This will give you a clearer picture of where you stand and help you recalibrate.”

Boundary-setting also extends to your loved ones. If you’re feeling the financial pinch, consider having a candid conversation with family or friends about scaling back gift exchanges. Propose alternatives like a Secret Santa arrangement or agree to forgo gifts entirely in favor of shared experiences, like baking cookies together or watching holiday movies.

These discussions might feel uncomfortable at first, but they’re an opportunity to cultivate deeper connections. Vulnerability, after all, can be a gift in itself.

Step 4: Practice Compassion—for Yourself and Others

The holidays are a time for giving, but don’t forget to give yourself some grace. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism, especially when old money scripts resurface. “I’m terrible with money.” “I can’t afford to celebrate properly.” These thoughts can quickly spiral, leaving you feeling defeated.

Instead of berating yourself, try to approach your financial struggles with compassion. Remind yourself that holiday stress is common and that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Everyone, at some point, has struggled to balance their budget with their desire to create a memorable holiday.

Brad Klontz advises honoring the emotions behind your money scripts without letting them dictate your actions. If you feel guilty about not spending enough, for example, acknowledge that feeling but remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to your wallet.

Step 5: Redefine What Matters Most

The most memorable parts of the holiday season rarely come with a price tag. Think back to your favorite holiday memories; chances are they’re more about connection and tradition than material gifts.

This year, challenge yourself to find joy in the intangible. Write heartfelt notes to loved ones, organize a game night, or cook a special meal together. Acts of service, like helping a neighbor shovel snow or volunteering at a food bank, can also be incredibly fulfilling.

“Expanding the possibilities for how you show love and care can be transformative,” Klontz says. “It’s not about spending less; it’s about finding new ways to give.”