Have you ever felt like your emotions were ruining your life? Whether it’s despair, relentless worry, or intrusive traumatic memories, our emotional experiences can sometimes feel like a problem we need to solve in order to have a fulfilling life. And yet? What if our wellbeing is not found in escaping or avoiding feelings but in investigating them with curiosity and compassion?
Growing up, people around me apologized for “getting emotional,” or “letting their emotions get in the way of things.” Just like me, you might have begun to see emotions themselves as the problem. It is certainly true that when we experience big emotions, it is hard to think straight, and take valued actions. Instinctively, we might then try to avoid big emotions. This might manifest as judging ourselves harshly for our emotional responses, and avoiding situations that evoke strong feelings. And yet, both research and experience teaches us that this makes emotions even harder to deal with. This cycle of experiencing strong emotions, followed by self-judgment and avoidance, is a common thread in various mental health challenges, from mood and anxiety disorders, to PTSD, to behavioral issues like OCD and ADHD.
Our emotional responses are as unique as we are, influenced by our past history and subsequent sensitivity related to reminders of. this history, how quickly we react, and how long it takes us to return to a state of calm. Even with these differences, there’s a universal path to better managing our emotions. The journey begins with a counterintuitive step: accepting and facing our emotions with curiosity and compassion, and learning to work with the thoughts, behaviors, and sensations that make up emotions.
Consider your current relationship with your emotions. Which emotions do you reject or judge? When have you ever berated yourself for feeling a certain way, adding layers of suffering to your experience? Acknowledging how we react to our emotions is the first step toward changing our relationship with them.
Emotions, even those we perceive as negative, carry invaluable gifts. They inform us of what’s important, prepare us for action, and help us navigate our world. For instance, anger can signal a violated value, prompting us to protect what we love. Guilt might indicate a need to make amends, while fear alerts us to potential dangers, urging us to seek safety.
- When have your emotions served as helpful guides in the past week?
- Can you identify the gifts in the emotions you typically find challenging?
Take a moment to sit quietly and reflect on a recent emotional experience. Without judgment, observe the emotion, its triggers, and its message. What is this emotion telling you about what you value, fear, or desire? What thoughts are associated with this emotion? Body sensations? Behaviors?
Embracing our emotions with courage, curiosity, and compassion opens the door to a richer, more connected life. As you navigate your emotional landscape, remember that each feeling, no matter how overwhelming, carries a message worth listening to. In psychotherapy, you can build tools to deal with each part of an emotion–the thinking, body sensation, and behavior parts–and respond to your emotions in a way that lines up with your values.