One of the hallmarks of good mental health and resilience is the ability to be mentally and emotionally flexible. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of flexible is:
1. Able to bend or to be bent without breaking
2. Yielding to influence
3. A ready capability to adapt to new, changing, or different requirements
What flexibility then means when applied to one’s thinking and emotions is the ability to adapt your thinking and behaviors to the circumstances of the moment. It requires being open and letting go of rigid expectations and beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. Being flexible mentally and emotionally means to be willing to consider a different perspective or point of view and to allow your understanding of a situation to change based on openness to new information you may not have previously considered.
To be mentally and emotionally flexible is a crucial building block of good mental health and positive relationships. It allows for greater problem-solving ability when things go wrong, and it enhances your ability to adapt when unexpected circumstances arise. It also fosters more positive relationships and connection—another important component of good mental health—because it allows you to be influenced positively by others and makes you open to more than one way of doing things or thinking, which yields more balanced relationships.
Flexibility also plays a role in overcoming anxiety and is a necessary element in effectively coping with the experience of anxiety. Let’s examine what mental and emotional flexibility looks like and how it can be practiced within each of the three root causes underlying all anxiety.
1. Catastrophizing: Anxiety stemming from catastrophizing involves creating fear-based stories of future outcomes, which you then feel compelled to worry about in an effort to protect you from the feared outcome. When you are catastrophizing, your mind is rigidly focused only on potentially bad or undesired outcomes. Introducing mental flexibility can allow you to consider potential good outcomes as well. Instead of only asking yourself, “What could go wrong?” you can also focus on “What could go right?”
Another shift toward emotional flexibility is to change your thinking from “what if” to “even if.” When your thoughts are focused on “what if,” the implication and outcome is always fear-based. When you instead consider “even if,” you tap into your resourcefulness and ability to cope, even if something bad happens or things go wrong.
2. Control: Anxiety stemming from control is characterized by rigid behavior and thinking. In an effort to create an internal sense of safety and well-being, you attempt to control your external environment to the greatest extent possible. The unconscious thought pattern behind this is that if you know what to expect, or if things happen the way you think they should, then you will be OK. This therefore leads to rigid expectations of how things should be done, creating the belief that there is a right way to do things and everything else is the wrong way, or encouraging perfectionism. Rigidity is the opposite of flexibility.
To introduce flexibility as an antidote to anxiety that is rooted in control is to be open to the idea that there are many ways to achieve a desired outcome, or many paths to the same result. This requires a willingness to let go, both of how something gets done and by whom. When you are willing to allow a task to be done differently than you would do it and still trust that you can arrive at the desired outcome, this relaxes the often self-imposed demands placed on you. It also allows for greater possibility of someone other than you being the one to do it—another level of letting go that reduces your stress and burden.
Another form of anxiety stemming from control is the need to anticipate everything that can go wrong in order to have a plan ready for what you will do if that bad outcome happens. Your sense of well-being and ability to cope with things that do go wrong is based on having a plan ready. The problem with this strategy is that you will never be able to adequately predict what will go wrong, or anticipate all the details necessary for problem-solving when things do go wrong. To be emotionally flexible is to trust that when things go wrong, you possess the ability to adapt and adjust in order to meet the challenge of the moment. This trust eliminates the compulsion to problem-solve in advance. Developing this trust requires recognizing and internalizing all the strengths, capabilities, and resources (both internal and external) you possess that will aid you when problems arise.
3. Distorted Beliefs: Anxiety stemming from distorted beliefs is caused by accepting as true negative beliefs about yourself that are in fact false. To overcome anxiety stemming from distorted beliefs, it is necessary to identify your distorted belief, replace it with a more accurate one, and practice new behaviors that reflect the corrected belief. Doing this requires an openness and willingness to consider a new understanding of yourself or to see yourself in a new way. It is aided by a willingness to accept and internalize feedback that reflects how you are seen and experienced by others that challenges or contradicts your distorted belief.
Emotional flexibility involves allowing your emotions to be influenced by considering a different point of view, or taking in new information and allowing that information to shift your understanding of and reaction to your experiences. We all have an immediate emotional response to any situation we find ourselves in, based on our perception and understanding of what is happening. When you are able to accept new information, or take on a perspective, point of view, or experience you had not previously considered, and use these to shift your understanding and therefore your emotional response, you are demonstrating emotional flexibility. This ability enhances your relationships and positive connections to others, which are essential to emotional well-being.
Fear causes us to constrict and hold on tightly to what we perceive as safety. Often when talking about doing something while afraid we use the term “white knuckling it,” conjuring up an image of gripping something tightly while doing something uncomfortable. Fear invites rigidity, which is why rigid thinking and behavior often accompany anxiety. Contraction and “white knuckling it” also apply to uncomfortable feelings—with that rigidity and tightness, we’re also gripping onto discomfort and fear. Instead, try to use the image of meeting a challenge or discomfort with your arms outstretched and hands open. not clenched and “white knuckled,” and imagine your fear and discomfort more easily flowing through and out of you. By fostering openness and flexibility, you will be able to more easily move from fear to calm and ease.