End-of-year gatherings carry joys and difficulties for almost everyone. We look forward to seeing those we love, we grieve those we’ve lost. Still, for individuals living with addictions or mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, holidays can be particularly challenging.
A combination of an overwhelming number of people, sounds, expectations, and fears of judgment can make it difficult to focus on the joyful parts. In addition, for those living in recovery from addiction, being surrounded by others who may be drinking while also facing these other triggers can create a perfect storm to want to use. Still, there are steps you can take to survive, and even enjoy yourself. You and your recovery are worthwhile. These are six strategies that could help you guard these.
1. Let Go of Expectations
There is an affinity for expectations at this time of year. We often imagine what we consider the ‘should’ be— smiling pictures, good food, a clean house, and no arguments. While setting some intentions about what we hope for can be meaningful, holding too strong to expectations can set us up for stress, judgment, and emotional pain. Instead, reach for flexible hopes.
2. Remember What Matters to You and Focus on That
What matters most to you about going to this gathering? Is there a particular person you’d like to catch up with? Maybe you wish for relaxation, or to enjoy everyone’s company. Outline your intentions, and focus on that. If you are having significant anxiety, you may choose to connect with the people you are most looking forward to early on.
3. It’s Okay to Step Away
It’s okay to take a break if you need to. You might take time for a short walk or to visit the store.
4. Plan for Potential Challenges
Are there particular triggers for you with these gatherings? Maybe a topic of conversation, such as a loss or your plans, stresses you out? Or, just the number of people. Consider these ahead of time along with what you could do to cope. If there are things you dread talking about, you might choose a simple answer or phrase before the question is even asked. For example, if being asked what you plan to do after college sends you into a circle you might prepare a vague answer like ‘I’m considering several options and discussing these with my mentors. How did you get into your career?’
5. Ally Yourself with Someone You Feel Safe With
You may identify one or more people you especially trust to share your fears and triggers with. They may be able to support you and intervene if you are overwhelmed.
6. Bring Tools if You Need
If you struggle with alcohol, you may choose to bring a special drink, for example, non-alcoholic egg nog or glass bottled sodas. You might also carry a coping tool with you such as headphones, a small bottle of lotion with a soothing smell, something to fidget with, or a picture you find encouraging.